♥Saturday, February 26, 2005
Friendships are the one thing that i treasure the most but yet, i push them away.
It is an irony.
I do not understand why i kept pushing people who tried to show care and concern towards me even though i yearn for it.
I now realize that this is how i kept losing friends.
I am sorry.
I guess i am meant to be alone.
It is after all my own fault that i am able to grasp the friendship tightly.
I am sorry..
♥Friday, February 25, 2005
So long i never write an update.
Actually a lot of things happen, it is just that i dun have the mood to write.
I rather would keep them as a secret forever in my heart so that nobody knows.
I would rather suffer everything in silence than explain to people what is wrong.
I rather have people misunderstand me than explaining what i going in my head or my feelings.
I guess i have a huge ego or pride.
I do not like people to sympathize with me.
I do not know why coz i hated the feeling.
Somehow it makes me feel weak.
All i can say now is that i dun think i will be feeling happy any time soon.
Dun bother to ask y coz i wun answer any questions.
♥Friday, February 18, 2005
Today is a very tiring day.
Too tiring that I dunnoe what to think or do.
Not only that, a lot of things happened today too.
First thing that happened was that the moment i stepped into the school, the clerk called me and told me that the teacher whom i relieved ytd complained that I did not marked her students' work.
How am i suppose to know whether i can or cannot mark?
I approached the teacher and apologized and explained that some teachers did not like me to mark their work.
Seriously, i do not understand what the teachers want.
First, they do not wamt me to mark, then now, they want me to mark.
After that, my day was totally packed.
It rained.
The last class i had was having PE.
They were pestering me to go PE.
So I brought them down and saw that the hall was occupied and the whole courtyard was wet.
I know that we should not have PE as it is slippery and will cause the students to fall.
The students were begging and we were standing at the courtyard.
One teacher saw us and called me and told me not to have PE coz the floor is slippery and wet.
I KNOW IT for goodness' sake.
I am trying to figure out how to make the students go up the class.
In the end, after i gt 'reprimanded', i took my students back to class where they were wracking havoc.
I managed to calm them down only after playing hangman with them.
I thought i could finally relaxed at home so i logged on to the net and check my mail as usual before taking a bathe and eat.
What i saw in my mail depressed me.
As usual Kunda was in the tabloid again.
Why was he there?
He was rumored or spotted with Xiao Shuang in a hotel, together with Shuwei and Kiki and Xiaozhu an Selina.
I dunnoe wad to say abt it.
♥Friday, February 11, 2005
Haha..
Time flies really fast.
My parents are finally back.
During the whole month while they were away, i did all the backbreaking job-vacuuming, mopping and washing the clothes.
The joint in my right arm hurts whenever i tried to pull sumthing.
I think i injured it when i was lifting those heavy clothes to the washing machine in a rush.
At the airport while waiting for my parents, my cousins and my aunt and my bros were making a racket. We were so noisy and were walking around and jumping around like no one's business.
My parents were finally out at about 3 am.
We reached the airport at 12.45 am. We walked around, drinking coffee and teasing each other till it was almost time.
I now know how the Enrgy fans feel when thet are waiting for them to get out from that check-out place.
We had to wait for so long! My parents had to wait for their luggage for almost 2 hours! But then, my parents really bought a lot of things.
My parents were one of the first few to get out.
When we get out, I could hear people saying, "Finally, those kids are out!"
Haha...
I think it is kind of late to write about it but then i am so busy that i did not have the time to write abt it.
On the second day of Chinese New Year, i went to Xin Yi's house.
Well, i never celebrated Chinese New Year except for in schools so i dun really know what to expect or do.
When we reached her house, she ushered us to her room.
Well, the 1st thing that caught my eye is the small picture of her lover boy- Toro.
It caught my eye coz of his hair color.Haha...
Then after that sum1 pointed out about the rules and we made fun of it.
There were many people over at her place.
Then we started to play blackjack.
I did not play coz i dun really feel comfortable to gamble.
I guess it is not part of my nature.
It is not as if i hated gambling and the people who gamble. But i just cant brg myself to gamble.I prefer to watch rather than play.
But then, i still play a few games which i lost.
I never had any luck in gambling anyway. One example is the incident when i had to endure no Energy for a week coz i lost a bet with my bro.
After playing blackjack, they played taiti.
That game, no matter how many times ppl explain to me, i still cant remember which one is small and which is the biggest.
Xy's cousins and relatives came and went back but Siti, Fart and me still havent went off yet.
Why?
Coz we are waiting for the late queen Ching Hwa.
But cant blame her coz she was from the other side of Singapore.
Anyway, the 3 of them excluding me, of course, wanted to make Ching Hwa went bankrupt which she did. Haha...
You guys are so bad!!
All in all, i had fun spending the day there, soaking up the atmosphere and also learning a few things. I really like it to see one's family getting rowdy and enjoying each other company.
♥Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Yoz,
I was preparing to go out to my aunt's house this afternoon when my granfather called me telling me that he had already arrived in Singapore.
I was surprised. Very surprised.
I thought he will be back tomorrow as my parents will be back tomorrow.
Dun get me wrong.
It is not that i dun like my grandfather.
I do love my grandfather but the thing that i cant stand is that he likes to brag and boost.
He likes to tell me what to do. I hate it.
Its a very big stress for me.
That is why i try my best to talk as minimal as possible.
I dun care if others talk behind my back that i am proud or obnoxious or self-centered.
I juz dun want to get into trouble with him.
♥Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Today i had my driving lesson early in the morning at 8am.
My instructor was the pompous jerk.
He like to talk alot and sang stupid songs which made me lost my focus on the road.
I know that my coordination is EXTREMELY bad.
That was why my pravtical always got messed up.
My hands cant coordiante with my feet.
Therefore my footwork and my steering were all mixed up.
I got scolded and he barked at me at every mistake i made.
He explained to me alot of times and i know that i am wrong but i just cannot help doing the same mistake over and over again.
It is not like i want to make the mistake. I tried my best to put what i know into practice.
Throughout the lesson, he was not happy and i was already tensed up.
When i got tensed up, i will get nervous.
When i get nervous, i will tend to be haywire.
When i am haywire, all the things i know will be lost from my head.
The end of the lesson, he dared me to go and complain that i was getting scolded by him.
As if i want to give him that satisfaction! I never cry in front of guys like that jerk. Waste of my tears only.
I always got scolded by my instructions because of my braking so i am used to it.
That jerk stated that i am smart in saying that saying is easy but doing it is another thing. Of course i know that! My lecturers had been telling me those exact same words for over two years!
He said that if i am that smart, i should be learning from my mistakes and instead i am making mistakes as my hobby.
He told me that i should input all the data in my head and remember it. He made it sound as if all my brain space is only for driving and that i did not need to care for anything else. I got more serious problems to handle and think about rather than thinking of the driving practicals.
I seriously hope that i will not get him as my instructor again.
If i do, i will try my best to ignore his hurtful remarks.
♥Saturday, February 05, 2005
Today, i thought i wanted to be independant so i tried to cook fried rice using instant spices.
I fried the rice,nuggets and wash the clothes at the same time.
I cant remember whether i put salt or not.
So in the end, i ended cooking quite tasteless fried rice.
Well, it is my first time cooking. Wad to expect?
Anyway, my brothers eat it and of course made comments.
But they still eat it coz they are hungry.
My brother and i went to my aunt's house.
Both of us ate there.
Amy was working. But he came home at around six.
I told him to sleep as he might be tired.
I didnt realize that it was 11pm at night coz my watch showed me 9pm.
I called him and asked him what he wanted to eat.
He told me what he wanted to eat then we hung up.
He called back to tell me that the shops are all closed coz it was already 11pm.
It was only then that i realize the time.
After the big commotion about eating, my aunt ended up cooking fried rice.
So he ate.
Then, my brothers started making fun of my cooking.
Well, i could take the joke and i do admit that it was partly my mistake.
But i kind of feel hurt when my brother say that he rather have me being lazy then cook such tasteless stuff.
I tried my best to cook but i just do not have any expertise in that.
I tried my best to do all the housework and i nv complained it.
What do others know?
I balance work, driving practicals, housework and taking care of my brothers at the same time every day.
i may not be physically tired but my emotions and my mentality is draining rapidly.
I realized that i am becuming more sensitive lately.
Even my rational and my cool-head is gone slowly.
My brother told me that he will be going jamming with his friends tommorrow.
I nodded. He asked me where i will be going.
I told him that i will be going to see my friend for awhile.
I hate it when he started to forbid and sneer at me in playing basketball.
I know that i am not a star player. I do not even know almost all the rules in basketball. I also know that i have a backbone condition. But I just like playing it. I know what i am doing.
I got angry at his words taunting me and slammed the door.
Haizz... i should not have done that coz my aunt and uncle was there. But i lost my head.
♥Thursday, February 03, 2005
It's been a long time since i last made my entry.
I wanted to write some more things during the past days but i was just too tired to do it.
Today, its juz the same but i managed to steal sum time. Just a bit not much.
It will just be a matter of time when my grandfather which is now absorb my the tv to instruct me to do things for him.
Today, I had relief at Si Ling Primary in the morning.
The kids are ok but 2 girls cried for reasons that their friends called them names.
Haizz... What am i supposed to do?
I juz told them to wash their face and warn the others not to do it again.
Easy way out...
Then after that, i rushed to BBDC for my practical lesson.
Today is my first day on the road!
I was happy yet nervous at the same time.
My instructor was the one that i was pised off.
But atually, he was kind of nice and i learned quite a lot of things from him except for that he is blunt.
All i did was drive around Bt Batok area, passing my the coffeshops,Dazhong Primary and the Old Folks Home.
Well, i got confused which which gear i am at and thus i was kind of slow in my braking.
There was one incident which i also got involved in an accident.
I was moving off from the traffic light when a Coca-Cola van sped through and cut across me. I almost hit it but the instructor and i pressed the brakes.
My instructor showed the driver some vulgar signs. Haha....
Now, is in the afternoon.
I juz woke up.
But i am still very tired.
I still have to pick my brother up from my aunt's house.
But whatever it is, i have to call my back-up generator to give me a bit more strength and patience to continue till the end of the day.
