I was pretty bored tonight while waiting for my jap drama to start.
So, i poked around my room and saw my old diary.
A diary that i wrote in when i was in secondary school.
I read back all he entries, well, i didnt write much.
For all i know, my secondary school lif is EXTREMELY terrible.
Betrayal, back-stabbing, gossips ar some of the stuff that i experience throughout my whole secondary shool years in Fuchun.
There was never one entry that i wrote abt a happy event.
Maybe because i am lazy to write? Haha...
But whatever it is, i could never remember any happy things that happen in my sec life. There are 1 or 2 but that is all about it.
Most of them, i could remember the hurt, the coldness that my so-called friends gave me.
I had been make used and dumped just like a toy.
I felt like crying when i read back my old diary.
All i felt was insecured and lonely.
I do keep in contact with some of the 'close' friends now but i really feel nothing for them.
They msn me or messaged me once in awhile and i listened to their woes.
I gave them support.
When they asked abt myself, i just replied that i am ok, no matter what state i am in.
Haizz...I am begining to think i am heartless and a hypocrite.
Making people happy when i do not feel anything abt it.
I guess i am too used to making people used me as a source of happiness that i will do it automatically.
I want them to be happy coz i cant stand people no matter how much i dislike or have no feelings for thm to be sad.
My last entry was abt me liking Energy for the first time.
I had a good laugh over it.
I can't believe that i was really fanatic abt Ah Di!
There was this sentence tho, "I like Ah Di a lot but i don't understand why Kunda is in my mind a lot."
Haha...
Hmm....Up till now, i am still wondering why.
