♥Tuesday, May 31, 2005
On monday, Xy and I spent the whole day at Aljunied, exploring another side of Singapore.
Whoa! Sounds interesting rite?
Haha...
What do we do?
We went to Felicia's house to fulfill a promise which i made to her accidentally.
Thanks to my big mouth.
After that, we went to take the Energy Concert tix from TES Entertainment.
It was funny.
We walked around and saw tat we were walking to a factory place.
We saw tat the buildings were rather old and run-down.
We mused about Universal being there.
She even asked me what my reaction is if i ever saw Kd in a place like tat.
Obviously, i wun believe tat its him!
Well, we entered the building and went up the floor.
Xy went first and i was lagging behind feeling very uncomfortable with the place.
She suddenly stopped and looked excited.
I also stopped in my tracks.
She pulled me and told me to look in.
There was a huge poster of Energy inside.
We went in and approached the lady but guess what?
There is no nets machine and we had to went out and look for one.
All in all, we got out of the place at about 5.30pm.
We walked all the way towards the MRT station.
I was nv so happy to see an MRT before.
I was dead tired.
Haha...
Anyway, thanks xy for accompanying me to these freaky places!
♥Wednesday, May 25, 2005
These past few days i had been sick.
I had fever, flu and cough.
My eyes are swollen and my lips are red.
I think i am sick due to stress and think too much.
The fear inside me made me fall sick.
Guess what?
I cant meet Energy next month!
I have to go for a holiday from the 8 till the 11 June.
By the time i come back to Singapore, they have left for Taiwan.
Too bad, i guess.
But nvm, since i am a very optimistic person, i will have Eg's latest album while i go for holidays tho!
Hehe...
Enough of the bad news.
I recently saw Eg's new hairstyle.
They are atrocious!
Esp Kd!
How dare he permed his hair before me!
It's like as if he knew that i am going to perm my hair soon.
Haha...
I just heard Eg's new song, Tian yu di.
Nice!
It has a hindi element in it.
Haha....
Very catchy.
♥Sunday, May 15, 2005
These past few days, well exactly few days, to be exact for the past 2 months, I have not been myself.
I lost my appetite to eat.
I lost so much weight.
My eyes kept tearing everytime i go to sleep or try to sleep.
I will always wake up with swollen eyes.
I became more quieter but there are times that i can be noisy.
I have a problem.
But the thing is. i dunnoe what it is.
I have some clues about my prob.
Basically, i think it is about my future.
What i am going to do next?
Maybe that's the main prob, maybe its not.
I had been falling out with my mom pretty often.
As if our views differ.
I had tried to brush all the comments off.
I really tried.
I put everything in my heart.
The walls are getting stronger and stronger.
But somehow, there was a crack in the walls that i had been making.
This crack is getting bigger.
My feelings are getting unstable.
I wonder how long the walls can withstand.
I cant break under pressure.
But even if i do, would anyone care?
I highly doubt so.
I analyse all the friendships that i had.
All i could see was that I had been walking alone, only my shadows always walks with me.
Just like the song in Green Day.
I am tired.
I want to rest.
But I cant.
I continued walking, walking in this lonely path.
Looking for something.
Something which i could hold on too tightly.
Something that could make me stop walking this mindless journey.
There are ppl who tell me that they are there for me.
But i just could not let myself call them up.
I dunnoe why.
Is it becoz i dun trust them?
Or is it becoz i could not trust myself?
I just want someone to hold me and say that everything is going to be fine.
That i will achieve my dreams.
That my future is bright.
That i manage to get into a university.
That the someone will never leave me alone.
Do i sound desperate?
Maybe.
I want to blurt it out to my parents.
But i dun have the courage to do so.
I will only hear them nagging.
In other words, they do not understand what i am thinking.
Actually, i doubt that anyone could understand me.
I am known to have a complex mind.
The way i think is different.
Well, just like in the Linkin Park song,
"In the end, it doesn't even matter."
♥Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Yesterday, after tuition, i had a makeover.
Well, just the face and the hair.
My relative wanted to test her skills on me before the actual things so i gladly accepted.
Anyway, i had nothing better to do at home.
My parents went out, my brothers in school.
So, left poor lonely me behind.
Haha...
First she made up my face.
She cleaned my face.
Then put on the base, loose powder and blush.
Then she did my eyes.
Guess what?
I had to put on fake eyelashes!
It was so uncomfortable!
My eyes felt heavy.
But before that, she curled my eyelashes using the curler.
Haha...
My eyes are very sensitive and kept tearing.
Then she put gold eyeshadow and the eyeliner and stuff.
Finally, she put on lipstick on my lips.
She said that my lips are sexy and easy to put lipstick on.
Haha...
My lips? Sexy?
This is the pic of me before my hair was done.
Looks ghastly, rite?
Blame it on the light.
Its too bright!
Then she put on hot rollers on my hair.
She just loved my hair coz its long.
She used up her whole set of rollers on my head.
I could barely lift up my head.
Finally, when it was done, she took off the rollers.
My hair was in curls.
I looked like a baby doll!
Pretty or not?
She said that i looked great with curls.
Haha...
Maybe i should perm my hair some day.
What do you guys think?
Then, she styled several hairstyles that is suitable for a bride on me.
How many styles?
Uncountable.
All i knew was that i sat that and let her do whatever thingss with my hair.
I took some photos of the styles.
I like this particular hairtyle.
Nice right?
Hmm...
I would want my hair to be like that when i get married.
Haha...
Finally, after four hours of makeover, it was finished.
I was lazy to remove my makeup so i went home with it.
It was pretty thick coz it for brides, not for casual.
I took the bus home and there were 2 kids sitting in front.
They kept turning around to look at me and they kept smiling at me.
I felt rather awkward.
I could feel people staring at me.
Who do they think i am?
Some kind of superstar?
Or a mad woman on the loose?
And this is the first time i wore makeup and walked around in the streets!
To think i attract so much attention!
Haha...
♥Saturday, May 07, 2005
The title of my entry today is "Heartbroken".
I know that nowadays my entries seemed to be getting depressed or sad.
Haha...
I guess these are my deepest thoughts.
Thoughts that i would never ever tell anyone face to face.
Today, i had a talk with my brother.
I found out a lot of things from him.
What he had been doing, what he had done in the past without me knowing.
I asked him abt his latest love of his life.
And i finally knew why he kept repeating he was heartbroken a few days ago.
He asked me before whether had i ever been in the situation before where a girl had to make choices between 2 guys.
I replied no.
He laughed and said nothing.
I felt something.
I finally know y people had been asking me to get a life.
I have never caught any guy's attention.
I am just another plain jane.
But I dun mind.
Coz i know somewhere out there there's someone for me.
Haha...
♥Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Yoz,
Guess what?
My mom and my bro's shoes got stolen!
Haha...
Who asked them to put their shoes outside?
Guess the person really is poor that they had to steal our shoes...
♥Tuesday, May 03, 2005
May finally arrived.
Will it bring happiness or more troubles?
One can never see
Or tell the future
Buut from what i am experiencing now,
May brought nothing but troubles for me.
Maybe it's too early to decide it.
I don't know.
People kept asking me whether i got into the University or not.
What am i suppose to tell?
I told them the answer so many times, yet they can't get it into their heads.
I heard a lot of my parents that other people had gotten the answer from the uni excep for me.
How am i suppoe to know that?
I am scared.
Very scared.
All the past work and effort that i endured and put in depends on this result.
I had endured relief teaching pains.
I had suffered mockings, insults, jealousy, hurt.
Yet i show indifference by putting a 'heck-care' face.
People say i am strong.
Am i?
I feel bits and pieces of me crumbling slowly.
Every night i cried myself to sleep.
Sometimes without knowing why.
I may be chatty, daydreaming and zoned out.
Deep inside, i am worried.
Extremely worried.
I can't see my future.
I don't know where to go.
What path to take.
Do i have to keep lying to others?
Why must i lie?
Why must i be strong?
Why?
