These past few days, well exactly few days, to be exact for the past 2 months, I have not been myself.
I lost my appetite to eat.
I lost so much weight.
My eyes kept tearing everytime i go to sleep or try to sleep.
I will always wake up with swollen eyes.
I became more quieter but there are times that i can be noisy.
I have a problem.
But the thing is. i dunnoe what it is.
I have some clues about my prob.
Basically, i think it is about my future.
What i am going to do next?
Maybe that's the main prob, maybe its not.
I had been falling out with my mom pretty often.
As if our views differ.
I had tried to brush all the comments off.
I really tried.
I put everything in my heart.
The walls are getting stronger and stronger.
But somehow, there was a crack in the walls that i had been making.
This crack is getting bigger.
My feelings are getting unstable.
I wonder how long the walls can withstand.
I cant break under pressure.
But even if i do, would anyone care?
I highly doubt so.
I analyse all the friendships that i had.
All i could see was that I had been walking alone, only my shadows always walks with me.
Just like the song in Green Day.
I am tired.
I want to rest.
But I cant.
I continued walking, walking in this lonely path.
Looking for something.
Something which i could hold on too tightly.
Something that could make me stop walking this mindless journey.
There are ppl who tell me that they are there for me.
But i just could not let myself call them up.
I dunnoe why.
Is it becoz i dun trust them?
Or is it becoz i could not trust myself?
I just want someone to hold me and say that everything is going to be fine.
That i will achieve my dreams.
That my future is bright.
That i manage to get into a university.
That the someone will never leave me alone.
Do i sound desperate?
Maybe.
I want to blurt it out to my parents.
But i dun have the courage to do so.
I will only hear them nagging.
In other words, they do not understand what i am thinking.
Actually, i doubt that anyone could understand me.
I am known to have a complex mind.
The way i think is different.
Well, just like in the Linkin Park song,
"In the end, it doesn't even matter."
