I am tired...
My heart is always hurting..
Tears always seems to brim on my eyes...
How do i make all these go away?
Parents are said to be the people whom u can talk to and ask advice from.
But who are you to turn to when it is your parents are the one who is hurting u?
My parents are very strict in certain ways.
They are not happy with the clothes i wore, the lifestyle i lead and what i like.
They hated all the chinese songs that i listen to, they hated the guy that i liked.
When i want to go out without wearing a tudung, my mom would nag and say hurtful words.
Why don't i want to wear tudung?
I dunnoe myself.
I juz find it too stifling..
Maybe i juz wanted to rebel?
I dunnoe...
Because of that, i m accuse to follow the chinese lifestyle.
Whatever stars wear, i will follow.
It's stupid.
Cant' i wear the clothes of my choice?
I know that its wrong to show your hair in public.
But i never show off my body.
I did all the religious thing except for clothes.
Everyday, every minute, they will remind me of my back.
My only flaw and handicapped in myself.
Because of that idiotic thing, i never had any self-confidence in myself.
I tried to forget abt it and live my life as per normal but constantly being reminded that i couldn't wear tight or body-fitting which will show my ugly back always make me self-conscious.
So what if others told me i am pretty or beautiful?
So what if people are envious of my height or my skinny body?
I am always being indirectly insulted for not being able to go to university.
My parents now placed high hopes on my youngest brother and hope that he goes to uni.
The way they remarked is too hurting.
Today, I am troubled by my work problems, whether my leave is approved or not.
So i never packed my clothes.
I juz couldn't concentrate.
There is a religious class tonight.
I was watching the drama and will prepared myself later.
Guess what?
My mom left me in huff, without even speaking to me.
I already prepared the clothes and stuff but seeing that, i decided not to go.
I know that later, she will surely nag at me, saying hurtful things over and over on what i like.
That i am becoming more like a chinese than a malay.
Another thing i am hurt is my colleagues.
I messaged them asking whether my boss is there but no one cared to reply.
I messaged them asking what they were up to last monday when i was leaving but no cared to reply.
I had thought of some thing regarding the dance item that we were suppose to perform but no one seemed to care.
I tried to talk to them but no one agreed with me.
They kept changing everything.
I really am tired trying to make suggestions coz it seems that my suggestions were always taken lightly.
They kept making up sum excuses.
I know that each of us are busy and had our problems but i juz want this idiotic thing to be done n over with.
My thought are filled with questions whether my leave is approved or not.
I may not seemed to be bothered by anything.
My expression may be misleading but in actual fact, i do care.
I may look blur, stupid or silly.
I know that people think that i am juz acting cute.
But they never think that i do haf feelings too.
They never think that i am capable enough to do things.
