I just had a long chat with kak rohana juz now.
Let me juz summarize it.
I told her my feelings and she said that I am assuming things.
I told her that they are the ones who should be asking me what wrong with me when I seemed different.
But she replied saying that why must it be them that have to ask me, why not i ask or tell them.
Well, as usual and i expected it as much, i gt a lecture by her of how i should treasure my friends.
How i should reflect things by seeing things in ppl's eyes and in their shoes and not assuming things.
I got nothing to say.
I am passed caring whether i have friends or not.
i tired of being the one who has to reach out for them
Why can't they for once reach out for me?
I don't understand that.
She said that she understand what i was trying to say.
I was trying to say that i felt that ppl owe me things and that no one care how i feel.
Yeah rite...
I don't care what ppl owes me.
I don't care if no one understands me.
I just want a bit of attention.
Just say hi or message me, how are you.
That's all i ask for.
I don't want to be neglected.
But she didnt get it.
She stood her grounds that i should not be assuming things about others and if i want to have a friend, I should be a friend 1st.
I tired of trying to explain to her that i'm trying to look in their eyes and trying to b in their shoes all these while so I just play along with what she said.
Yes, it's true that I got a HUGE pride.
It's true that I have trouble trusting people.
It's true that I have built a wall around me.
She ask me why do i still feel hurt when i passed caring?
God, I am human after all!
I felt hurt then move on with life.
She retorted hat they too are humans too and have feelings.
Yes, its true.
Unfortunately, they don't use their feelings well i guess..
I am tired of being pressured down.
I am tired of people's accusation that I am avoiding people.
I am tired of being commented that i don't care what others think.
I am tired of always being the one at fault.
I am tired of always being accused of unable to have friends just coz i have few of them.
So please, give me some space.
I hate when people order me around.
When I am tired, I will just play around with whatever they say even though its untrue.
Just so that they finished whatever they want to say since thy refused to see my point.
I am tired of being the one to always reach out on people.
I want to cry but tears seemed to dry up.
I don't feel anything.
Just my heart being squeezed.
I don't even feel hurt anymore.
I just feel numb.
