Its been a long time since i last updated...
My mood right now is upset...
This entry might be caused by my mood swings or maybe not...
But this is what i have been feeling and maybe accumulated over the years...
I had a talk with one of my colleagues regarding friends.
She is lucky as she had a few friends which are closerthn even her own family.
They shared everything together, in other words through thick and thin.
I want to have friends like that too...
But I duno how...
The friends i had now...
I duno how to describe them..
They are slpit into a few categories.
Colleagues which i can talk abt work and maybe some of my general stuff like family, studies..
MDIS clazmates which is mostly abt studies, assignments and just talk nonsense.
Jap clazmates which we talk mostly abt jap studies..
Outside friends which i only have umm....3? 4? 1 is a new friend which i gt to know during the trip to Taiwan. 1 is lost in her diploma, the other 1, i dun think i am in contact anymore. (hmm...i think she is now more of an acquantaince than a friend), the other 1, hmm... i am closer to her.
To tell honestly, i regard her as my very most close fren, as close like a best friend but i dun think i can be her best friend as she already have one and one cant have more than 1 best friend or the word 'best friend' is not special anymore. Besides, i guess she had some difficulty in confiding things in me..its just my feelings or my observations or analysis.. (I am proud of my observation sometimes coz i tend to see and observe things pretty well and analyse well too.)
Well, we do communicate each other through sms everyday but that is often abt something that we both started. Sometimes, she will ask me abt jap stuff. sometimes, we will discuss about our fav idols which I influenced her greatly. Sometimes we will talk abt other things. Bt most often, if we do not sms abt the thing that we started, we will not sms each other as i guess we dun have things to talk abt.. I really wonder what do other ppl talk to each other abt..
I know maybe she's busy or sick or out or have other things to do or maybe, its me who is busy, sick or have something to do which may be a factor in the lack of topics to talk abt.
Call me possessive, call me a jealous freak, call me weird, call me anything you want but sometimes when she tells me that she went out with her friends or something, i do feel upset and hurt. especially when it coincide with the times i ask her out too... Haha... I know it sound weird..
Yes, I know that she meet them not often but i just cant help feeling that way. Hmm... DON"T GET ME WRONG! I AM NOT A LESBIAN AND I CERTAINLY DO NOT, i repeat, DO NOT LOVE HER IN 'THAT' WAY...
I guess i'm too much dependent on her to fill in my loneliness. I have to stop depending too much on her. I have to be close to other friends instead of only her. Haha... This really shows how limited and how terribly small my circle of friends are, right?
Hmm... If only i can write as fluent and as good as this in my marketing report... Haha...Ok, now, off to my assignment! Umm...after watching an episode of Jigoku Shoujo and catch a few zzzz...
